Making it Lovely » Me

My Mathematical Mind

Making it Lovely — Fri, 04 May 2012 09:10:14 +0000

Have you seen the “things I’m afraid to tell you” meme going around? Well, here’s my take on it. I’ve mentioned my love of math before, but here is the full scope.

I’m smart. It’s not something that one brings up often, and especially not me. When I was a little girl, my father got annoyed with me one day because I had corrected something his friend said, and he told me to keep quiet and stop showing off. That offhand comment stuck with me and made me equate letting people see that I have a brain with bragging, so I sort of hide my intellect.

But yes, I’m smart. Really smart. But I never wanted to be the kind of genius that can manipulate numbers and solve equations, no. I wanted to be well-read with excellent verbal skills. I wanted to be an author or a poet, or maybe an artist, but nothing that involved math. I was disappointed every time if my scores were higher on standardized tests in math instead of verbal, even when I did exceedingly well across the board. I was the geeky girl in high school that custom programmed my TI-89 graphing calculator to make vector-based art that was dependent on the variables you would enter into an equation I wrote… and I thought I didn’t like math. I know how to code and design websites (ahem) today because I’ve been coding since I was 13 — for fun. I am good at a wide variety of things (jill of all trades, master of none), but foremost I’m mathy, and it took me a long time to accept that about myself.

I got a little lost in these fun videos by Vi Hart the other night. If you are at all curious about what it’s like to be inside my brain, the frenetic pace and mathematical tangents in the video below are a good start to understanding my thought processes. I especially enjoyed the little aside in the video about the parallels between art and math, and the cute take on calculus leaping from algebra’s limitations. It took calculus to make me really fall in love with math. (Everything leads up to it and culminates and is beautiful.)

My mom has been looking into the varying degrees of giftedness in children that weren’t as well defined when I was in elementary school, so we’ve been talking about how schools treat gifted kids and I’ve been thinking about my experiences in the classroom lately. I was a model student when I was young. I skipped ahead in subjects to move up to the next grade level, and even then it was all too easy. But then something happened when I hit junior high, and I became a terrible student. I don’t think anything changed in me, but rather the teaching methods and expectations were different.

I would do my homework and then leave it in my locker, forgetting to bring it with me to turn it in, but then I’d ace every test and make up for it. I figured the work wasn’t as important as the mastery of the subject; my teachers did not see it that way. I failed a semester of English AP in my junior year and had to make it up my senior year in a remedial class where the teacher referred to me as “La Femme Nikita” (inappropriate!) and we read books written for fourth graders. I made it through my senior English AP class because my essays were weighed heavily and they saved my overall grade. I missed weeks of school due to an illness one year, and missed all of trigonometry, so I bought a book and taught it to myself when I later needed it to progress on in other math disciplines.

I only have an A.A. from a community college. It’s an accomplishment, and one that I should be proud of, but I’m embarrassed because I feel like I never fulfilled my potential. I had partial scholarship offers from Ivy League schools, based on my PSAT scores, but I never would have been accepted due to my low GPA. I wanted to go to Reed, but we couldn’t afford it and my parents were convinced I would flunk out of college anyway, so I was encouraged to not bother. I floundered in community college (I hated it and resented being there), and it took me years of going to school off and on (while working full-time at the bookstore where I met Brandon) to get my two-year degree. I would have continued on to architecture school, but I wasn’t accepted into the college of my choice (low grades, remember), so I gave up and started my my stationery shop instead.

I was feeling a bit down on myself recently while thinking about all of this. Had I been able to make my grades reflect my intellect, I could have gone to any school I wanted, been anything I wanted to be. I love that I’ve been able to create this job for myself, this funny “professional blogger” gig that I never could have predicted or aimed for, but it’s not like it pays that well and it would be nice to not have to worry about money, especially right now.

Still, I don’t think I could have made myself behave any differently. I am inherently the absent-minded professor; the classic INTP, with a dash of creativity thrown in for good measure. I’ve been that way for as long as I can remember, but I know how to make it work for myself now.

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Sky Umbrella

Making it Lovely — Tue, 17 Apr 2012 08:24:08 +0000

Sky Umbrella

Tibor Kalman’s Sky Umbrella is 20 years old. I remember seeing it in the MoMA catalog for the first time when I was 15. I was so taken by it that I begged my mother to buy it for me.

To my mom’s credit, she did come through with a sky umbrella, but it was not the Sky Umbrella. The shape was slightly different, the clouds not as beautiful, and the handle plastic instead of wood, but that was not its biggest affront. It was blue on the outside. Did she not know the how the umbrella’s symbolism struck me? Aye, the morose teenager with the dark, brooding exterior, braving the storm and cloaked in black — she contained an optimistic (though clandestine) scene beneath! An argument could have been made that I was “blue”, I suppose, or perhaps that I just had my head in the clouds but OH, THE HUMANITY!

What? I was 15. (Sorry, mom.)

So, yes, when MoMA asked if they could send me an umbrella to help spread the word, I happily accepted. You can enter SKY20 to save 20% on all versions of the Sky Umbrella, now through April 30. All proceeds support MoMA programs and exhibitions.

This is not a sponsored post. I agreed to accept an umbrella and write about it because I’m a fan of MoMA and their mission of educating the public about modern art and good design.. I had one of my most moving museum experiences there a few years ago, in Olafur Eliasson’s Take Your Time exhibit.

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The New Normal

Making it Lovely — Tue, 20 Mar 2012 15:51:12 +0000

Brandon has been home for nine weeks. That’s nine weeks of adjusting to our new normal, or at least the normal for right now. It doesn’t feel like it has been that long, but the days sort of blur together for me lately. Without the routine of my husband going to work during business hours, five days a week, we’ve devolved a bit. Sunday feels like Monday, feels like Thursday. Sometimes we sleep in. I’ve been staying up into the wee hours of the morning because it’s the easiest way to get in some uninterrupted work time, and then sleeping through the early part of the day. I’m not sure if I like it.

We’re not struggling, and for that I’m thankful. We have to be mindful of the things we spend our money on, but we will be able to pay our bills, buy the kids’ spring clothes, and so on. I’m a little uneasy shouldering the financial responsibilities because the nature of the way I make money through blogging is inconsistent, but Brandon’s unemployment came at a good time if such a thing can be said. A time at which we can handle it would probably be a better way to put it. Opportunities are out there for me and my family, but they do come at the expense of time with them.

I sound a little sad here, and perhaps I am. Life is good overall; it’s just that my work/life balance feels off. I like my work and I’m happy to have it, but I miss being a more present mom, too.

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Back from San Francisco

Making it Lovely — Mon, 05 Mar 2012 17:03:32 +0000

I was out of town for a few days on business. Fun business that involved a balloon welcome, but business nonetheless.

I had a few hours to wander around on Thursday, and again on Saturday. I felt the pull of San Francisco last time I was there, and of course this time around it was sunny and in the seventies. Sold. Plus, how could you not fall in love a little with a city that has such adorable public transportation?

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What’s Next for Us

Making it Lovely — Mon, 27 Feb 2012 08:04:31 +0000

Brandon has been out of work for nearly six weeks now. He doesn’t have any prospects lined up, but unemployment benefits have finally started coming through. They won’t replace his income, of course, but along with what I’m making, we’ll be able to cover our mortgage and bills. Insurance is my biggest concern because we’re now on COBRA, which is expensive.

I know I haven’t written anything about our situation since I mentioned it upon returning from Alt Summit. It’s been stressful, to be honest, and easier to not dwell on. Our roles, our daily routines, and our financial outlook all changed overnight, and we’re all (the kids, too) still adjusting.

I’ve had an assistant since October, Valerie, coming three days a week for six hours a day. She had been helping with some of the administrative blog work (setting up Facebook giveaways and responding to advertising inquiries), but she also helped me a lot with Eleanor and August. Now, with Brandon home, we need her less (and it was suddenly hard to pay someone for 18 hours a week). Valerie has been great, and happily flexible in regards to hours, so she’s staying on board but mostly working from home.

The kids have benefitted from more time with their daddy, but even though that’s a good thing, it has still been an adjustment. Brandon and I have different parenting styles in some ways. Eleanor and August do well with routines – a fairly predictable structure to their day – and things have shifted all of a sudden. They’re fine (we all are), but it’s something I think about. I’m also working more, and for longer stretches during the day, and my work/life balance feels out of whack.

I had an interview a couple of weeks ago for a copywriting position with a great Chicago-based company. I hadn’t sought it out, but if I were looking for a 9-5 job, it’s exactly the kind of place I’d want to be. Had Brandon still been working, I probably wouldn’t have even considered the opportunity, but with him home it was something that needed to be explored. Ultimately, after a lot of thought, I passed on the position. I’ve worked for years to create this job, this crazy job of being a “professional blogger” for myself that lets me work on the things I love. I started blogging before I had children, but now working from home and being able to spend time with them is something that I wouldn’t give up unless it were truly necessary. If I need to, I could start up my shop again or take on web design work to make more money. Had I taken the job offer, I would have had to cut back on the blog, and that’s not something I want to do. I am more committed than ever to Making it Lovely.

I’m not able to be the sole breadwinner in the family. Not yet, anyway… but things are going well. I have my writing jobs at Family Style on Babble and at My Colortopia. I accept advertising on Making it Lovely directly for small businesses (e.g. Etsy shops), and through Federated Media for larger companies. I also work with sponsors. In fact, I’ll be heading out to San Francisco on Thursday for business. I’ll be lining up new sponsored content for the blog, and also pitching some new ideas with my team at FM.

Sponsorships are a tricky subject for some, I know. It’s something that I’ve written about before, and I’ve done a lot of sponsored content since then. There was one campaign in particular that I don’t feel was executed well, but it’s something that I’ve learned from, and I feel good about how I’m applying those lessons as I move forward. I am proud of the standards I hold myself accountable to, and proud of the partnerships I’ve worked on.

Sometimes a brand’s sponsorship can be looked at as a commercial at the beginning or end of a post, similar to the way you may see a show “brought to you by XYZ.” In those cases, I’m not required to (or even asked to) write about the brand. The topic may be tangentially related, but the post is then completely up to me. The other type of sponsorships that I’m interested in facilitating are more closely tied to the brand involved, but they would allow for some fun projects. I’d love to do more home makeovers for readers (free of charge to the recipient), but for that to happen, we need a budget. I have other ideas in the works as well, and I’ll be doing my best to make them a reality.

We still have a lot of thinking to do. As I mentioned, Brandon is now on unemployment, and it is a lifeboat for us. Our way forward is unclear right now though. He may get another steady job, and life will return to what we knew as normal for all these years. There is a fantastic local store up for sale and we considered buying it, but unfortunately, the details didn’t fall into place for us.

We’ve talked about reopening Pink Loves Brown, with Brandon running it, or having him contribute more heavily to Making it Lovely. There are benefits to both, but clear drawbacks and concerns as well. If we pursue those options, we would lose the financial stability we used to have, and at the same time, we would need to secure independent health insurance. We would also no longer be able (in good conscience) to receive unemployment benefits, and that would be a further difficulty for us right now.

I do want to thank you all for the support you’ve shown us. Especially as we figure out our direction in the wake of Brandon’s job loss, but before that, too. I want you to know that it’s greatly appreciated. I’m lucky, even in the more difficult times, to have such an amazing community, and to have been able to craft this life with my family.

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A New Direction

Making it Lovely — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 07:47:59 +0000

I had planned to do a straightforward recap of the Alt Summit, 2012. I’ve tried to sit down and write it all down for you, but I’m struggling. It isn’t because Alt wasn’t amazing (it was), or because I had a bad time (I had fun and learned a few things). I’m struggling because of some news that awaiting me upon my return. My last seven days have felt something like this: nervous, eager, reaffirmed, happy, delayed, scared, and finally, hopeful.

Tuesday: Nervous

The usual thoughts ran through my head. Did I pack the right things? Was my panel prepared? Would my family fare well while I’m gone? Could I get through all of the work I needed to do, before I had to leave?

Wednesday: Eager

I had prepared as much as I was able, and it was time to go. I was on the very first panel at the first Alt Summit in 2010, and I watched the summit via twitter last year, sad to be missing out but too pregnant to travel. I was excited about going back again, and looking forward to it. This was going to be fun!

Thursday: Reaffirmed

Alt came this year, for me, at the tail end of a lot of work. I’ve been doing more than ever, trying to juggle my blogging commitments with my family life, taking on too much at times, and having to put my head down and work. Being surrounded by my peers though, so many passionate, hard-working, and successful bloggers, reaffirmed that I’m heading in the right direction. I’m fortunate to have a job, unconventional as it is, doing something I love. I want to see Making it Lovely grow, and realize all of its potential.

Friday: Happy

Jordan, Kelly, me, and Maggie spoke about Growing a Readership. I’ve put together a recap of the Twitter conversations that happened throughout our panel, which was one of the most well-attended! My weepiest moment of the day came as Ben, the co-founder of Pinterest, gave a particularly inspiring keynote and received a standing ovation. His infographic feels especially relevant right now.

The entire conference was amazing; everything I’d hope it would be and more. Thank you to Gabby, Sarah, and Kate, and to all of the people who help make Alt the blogging event I most look forward to each year.

Saturday: Delayed

And homesick. De-icing the plane, flying against a strong headwind, and landing in an airport that was under construction all contributed to my plane landing two minutes after my connection left. I was placed on standby, with a confirmed seat on a plane for Monday afternoon. I spent the night in the hotel closest to the Pheonix airport.

Sunday: Scared

The next day, while other passengers lost their tempers and berated airline employees, I was able to get a confirmed seat on a plane home in the late morning (it’s always better to be nice). We were delayed though, and spent an hour sitting on the runway before takeoff due to weather conditions back home. We were finally given the OK to fly into Chicago, and I arrived home approximately 25 hours after first leaving the hotel in Salt Lake City. I then picked up the kids and immediately turned around to go to my mom’s house because we were supposed to be there for a birthday party.

All of that made for a very long day, but it wasn’t the reason I was scared.

Brandon lost his job. He had found out on Thursday, but he waited to tell me until I had finally arrived home with the kids late Sunday night, after we had put them to bed.

Monday: Hopeful

Our dream has been to reach the point at which Brandon could leave his job. While we had assumed it would be in a planned, responsible way, we will have to embrace our new circumstances.

Do we go all-in on the blog? I’m not making enough to solely support my family, but we have to look at the numbers and see if I could get it there. How long would it take if we were devoting all of our time and energy to it? (Six months? A year? Longer?) Should we do something a little crazy, like buy a store? It has never been a goal of ours, but if you’re one that believes things happen for a reason, the universe seems to be aligning in that way. Or does Brandon look for another steady, 9-5 job? He has been the rock that has made it possible for me to get to the point I’m at today. While the benefits and stability that come along with traditional employment are reassuring (especially with a family and a mortgage), I’d love for him to be as fulfilled in his work as I am. These are all things that will be weighing heavily on us, and we need to figure out our next direction.

I’m hopeful. But I’m still scared, too, to be honest.

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Elle DeGore

Making it Lovely — Mon, 05 Dec 2011 21:57:30 +0000

DTKindler Photography

I never know how to pose for pictures, let alone pictures of me in my roller derby gear. Angry face? Tried it. I’m not tough! So a wink it is. *Wink!*

I’m such a dork.

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Sisters, 1990

Making it Lovely — Tue, 14 Jun 2011 15:12:39 +0000

That’s me and my little sister, Ashley, circa 1990.

My Uncle Ray used to be a professional photographer, but this was just a quick snap that he got of us on the back porch of his old Chicago-style bungalow. He has since moved (many years ago now), but the photo still hangs in his dining room. Poster-sized.

It’s one of my favorite photos ever.

p.s. My Uncle Ray is the reason we chose Ray for August’s middle name.

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This is My Tough Face

Making it Lovely — Fri, 20 May 2011 15:35:09 +0000

Grrrr. (I’m so intimidating when I’m on my roller skates at Derby Lite.)

Outer Focus Photos

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Sinclair and Preston Glasses from Warby Parker

Making it Lovely — Mon, 21 Feb 2011 15:38:23 +0000

Warby Parker just came out with a slew of new glasses styles and they sent a few over for me to try. These two are my favorites. What do you think?

Sinclair

Preston

Also, I think sleeplessness agrees with me. I got about two hours of sleep the night before I took these photos. (Having a newborn will do that to you.)

* update: I’m being sent a pair of each, yay!

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