Did you know that enduring several days of fever, delirium, and uncontrollable vomiting makes one both weak and snarky? It’s true. Lesson learned (and I’m starting to feel better, thank you).
Sorry Pier1, but this is for your own good.
Stop gobsmacking us with the ugly. Weren’t you trying to revamp your image? Focus-grouping your way toward the hip, urban set? Remember the lamp that we all so loved? Bring us more of that, because THIS is not the way to go…
Shall we dissect the wrongness of it all?
- Clothes from Pier 1, circa 1991? Check. (Remember when they had clothes?)
- Girl of indeterminate age? Check. (She looks like my friend from junior high.)
- Fake flowers EVERYWHERE? Check. (Available at your local Pier 1!)
- Bad color palette? Check. (Tan, sepia, apricot, burgundy, and beige? Ick.)
- Aroma-rama? Check. (“Follow your nose.” WTF? Also: Toucan Sam.)
- Photo blur behind the text, looking like the visual manifestation of funk? Check. (“So fragrant, you could find it with your eyes closed.” Ew.)
You know what this ad needs? The heavy-handed use of Papyrus.