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Adjusting

Calvin

Calvin is nearly four weeks old already! I was always on my own with our babies before, but now with Brandon as a stay-at-home dad, we can team up on kid duties. I’m nursing and some days it feels nonstop, so I’m mostly taking care of Calvin while Brandon has Eleanor and August.

Brandon and Calvin

Nursing — I have such a hard time with it in the beginning. I’ve seen lactation consultants, I’ve read the entire La Leche League book, and my search engine history has been entirely taken over by various breastfeeding queries. Things got better with both Eleanor and August around six weeks, so I keep telling myself it will happen again, but right now it is incredibly difficult. It’s isolating and time-consuming, but the worst of it is that I dread sessions because of the anxiety around anticipating a painful latch. There are often tears, and I’m having a hard time right now.

Calvin

Baby Toes

We are all doing so well though, in every other regard! We’re settling in nicely as a family of five, and the kids are sweet with the baby. Our normal morning routine has continued smoothly, we’re all sleeping as well as can be expected, and I get out of the house and see friends often enough to keep from going stir-crazy. Plus I love love love having a baby at home again. Calvin sleeps on me and is in my arms all day, and I adore his little snuggles.

August, Nicole, Calvin, and Eleanor

The good stuff is coming up: the smiles, the coos, the baby laughs. This is likely our last baby though, so while I’m eager to get past the nursing pain, I don’t want to wish this time away. There’s a lot of good stuff happening right now, too.

Calvin

Ten Years

We’ve done so much together. We met in 1999. We were dating two years later, and married a few years after that. We’ve shared personal and career highs and lows, two apartments and two homes, and have two kids with a third on the way. In a few more years, I’ll have known Brandon for half of my life.

Wedding

NY Hotel Shot

Happy tenth anniversary, love. We’ve done so much more together than we ever could have apart. Thank you for being there every step of the way.

Photo Booth

A Man and His Cat

August and Brandon

Snowy Day

Eleanor and Brandon

Love you.

Wedding

Nap All Day

Not really, but I wish.

I’ve been pregnant for half the time that we’ve lived in this house. Each morning for the past few months, I would wake up with a running list in my head of all the things I would set out to accomplish that day. I can organize the closet! I’ll upholster August’s bed! Paint a room! Strip some wallpaper! Get my office in reasonable order! And then I’d be all, nah, I should sit down and rest. Maybe go to sleep early. Eleanor has her motto, and so do I.

Nap All Day, Sleep All Night, Party Never

I am getting things done, just not at the pace I’d like to. Painting the walls black downstairs was not fun. Normally I love to paint! My body isn’t dealing well with this pregnancy though — it has been much harder than it was with the other two — and I don’t think I can make it up and down a ladder again right now. I slogged through and I’m glad it’s finished, but I haven’t been eager to repeat the experience.

I’m so glad we hired someone to do the built-in bookshelves for us, because there’s no way that project would be near completion right now if we’d tried to do it ourselves. I’m too stubborn to hire out for a paint job or small projects around the house though, and too much of a perfectionist to ask Brandon to do it (he has been a huge help with the kids and helping run the house, but I’m the handier of the two of us). Some days I feel like I’m finally getting some energy back, but then I’ll have three days in a row where I’m exhausted and in pain. It’s frustrating because I have all of these ideas inside, waiting to be put into action, but I can’t act on them except in short bursts. Maybe soon? I’m being cautiously optimistic.

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